Santa's on the Roof Top
by littlewiccan
Summary: Santa comes to Sunnydale and its up to none other than Anya to vanquish him. R&R please. One Shot Parody Spoof.


AUTHOR's NOTE: This story is kind of old, I wrote it awhile ago but I thought I would post it anyway. Its a spoof on the whole Santa's evil thing.

* * *

"I still don't see why we have to sleep outside," Anya whined in her sleeping bag next to Xander's.

"Anya, I told you its tradition. Every Christmas eve I sleep outside to avoid my family," Xander told her.

"We don't live with your family anymore."

"That's not the point; tradition is tradition. Now go to sleep and maybe if you're good Santa will come and visit you."

"Don't joke about that!"

"What? Oh," Xander said in realization, remembering last Christmas.

* * *

Xander, Anya, Tara, Willow, and Dawn sat at the dinning room table in the Summer's household. They were surronded by Christmas lights and candles.

"My nog tastes funny. I think I got one with rum in it," Dawn said, staring into her cup.

"That's bad," Willow told the youngest Summer.

"Yeah, now Santa's gonna pass you right by, naughty booze hound," Xander joked as Tara and Dawn laughed in response.

"Santa always passes me by. Something puts him off. Could be the big honkin' menorah," Willow quipped, a smile etching its way across her face.

"Oh, did you write him a letter?" Tara asked Dawn.

"What'd you ask for?" Xander said.

"Um, guys, hello, puberty? Sorta figured out the whole no Santa thing," Dawn reminded them.

"That's a myth," Anya chimed in.

"Yeah," Dawn said with a slight nod of her head.

"No, I mean, it's a myth that it's a myth. There is a Santa Claus," Anya continued.

Everyone looked surprised.

"The advantage of having a thousand-year-old girlfriend," Xander said, turning to Anya, "Inside scoop."

"There's a Santa Claus?" Tara asked, shocked.

"Mm-hmm. Been around since, like, the 1500s. He wasn't always called Santa, but you know, Christmas night, flying reindeer, coming down the chimney -- all true."

Dawn smiled, "All true?"

"Well, he doesn't traditionally bring presents so much as, you know, disemboweled children, but otherwise..."

"The reindeer part was nice," Tara commented.

* * *

"Sorry, I forgot," Xander said, giving her a quick kiss.

"It's okay. I forgive you."

Xander smiled and turned over to go to sleep. Anya laid down and stared up at the sky. It was not long before she head Xander snoring. That's when she also began to hear sleigh bells and saw a large red sleigh pass over head, carried by flying reindeer and holding inside a fat man with a white beard and a belly made of jelly.

"Xander," Anya whispered, nudging him but he was out cold, "Xander. He's here, Santa."

Anya looked up and watched as the sleigh landed on one of their neighbor's roofs. She got up and ran into the house, where she grabbed a pen and paper to leave a note for Xander.

_Xander,_

_Went to go kill Santa Claus and the evil reindeer. Be back soon._

_XOXO_

_Anya_

She left the note on her pillow next to him, where he would find it and then left, heading towards the house where Santa's sleigh was now located.

* * *

Anya crept into the house to find the fat man just coming down the chimney and sure enough there was one of the children in the house coming down the stairs to greet him. The boy walked passed Anya and toward Santa.

He looked up at the man wide eyed, "Are you Santa?"

"Yup, you must be…." Santa looked down at his hand where he had written down the names of some of the children, "Billy."

Anya shook her head and ran into the kitchen, grabbing the gallon milk jug in the refrigerator.

"How'd you know?"

"Santa knows everything."

"I left you some milk and cookies do you want some," the boy asked offering the tray to Old Saint Nick.

"No, I don't think so. Gotta watch my figure," he said, patting his stomach.

"Oh, okay."

"I have something for you though," Santa said, reaching into his red sack, where he kept his disemboweling tools.

"Oh no you don't," Anya said, steping in front of Billy and throwing the milk on Santa, "Take that tubby."

"Ahhh," Santa yelled as he melted into a puddle of red goop.

"You killed Santa," Billy accused.

"No, I saved you. He was going to disembowel you."

"Mommy!"

* * *

Anya ran out of the house but not before grabbing the plate of cookies Billy had left for Santa. She needed something to vanquish the reindeer. Anya climbed a tree and threw the cookies on the roof like they were bombs. She then watched as one by one Santa's 8 tiny reindeer fell off the roof. She then slid down the tree and brushed her hands against one another as she walked back toward Xander.

* * *

Anya sat down. Xander was half asleep, "Anya where'd you go?"

"I just killed Santa Claus," she said with a triumph smile as she laid back down and went to sleep.

Now Xander was wide awake, "You what?" That's when he noticed the sleigh on top of a near by roof, "Huh?" He smiled and went to sleep as well.

* * *

The next morning Xander and Anya were walking toward Buffy's to open presents with the others when they saw a little girl run out to her grandmother, who had just gotten out of her car, "Nanny, Nanny look what Santa got me," she said, proudly holding up the doll she had found under the Christmas tree earlier.

"Well, isn't that nice," her Grandma replied.

"If it wasn't for me, You wouldn't be here, Santa would have…..!" Anya began to yell but Xander covered her mouth with his hand as he gave the grandmother who was now quickly pushing her granddaughter inside the house a grin that showed his embarrassment.

* * *

Review please. 


End file.
